Thursday, October 18, 2007


Do people have them? Is it irrational to expect other people to have them? What about common courtesy or respect? Where are those things?

Example A- If you invite someone somewhere, would you expect them to pay you for it? If I invite you to my house for the weekend, would it be fair of me to expect you to pay for the room and board? If I invite you to dinner, should I expect you to pay for it?

In my opinion, the answer to all of those questions is NO! If I call up Trish and ask her to come try a new Thai place with me, I would obviously pay. In return, of she asked me to go with her to some fondue place, she would pay up. That is how friends work. We would not keep score of how many times I paid and how many times she paid either. On the other hand, if, like my mom, you go out to lunch with a friend everyday, then separate checks would be appropriate, unless it was like her birthday or something. Now if I were going somewhere a bit more pricy, say I was taking the kids to Disneyland, I might say to Trish, “Hey we are going to Disneyland next week and it would be fun to go together. I can’t afford to pay for all of us, but if you get tickets for you guys, I’ll drive.” Or something to that effect. (Of course, all this only applies if Trish lived here rather than the opposite coast.) That is just how it should work in my opinion.

If I invite my cousin to stay for the weekend, should I ask my Aunt for money for gas and food? Of course not, I offered to have her for the weekend. She is a guest in my home. You do not pay for that. On the other hand, David would like to invite his sister to come and stay with us, but he cannot afford to pay to fly her here. But if someone else does pay for that, we certainly would not ask for the money for the food and gas. She would be our guest. She is invited. However, if someone were to call us up and ask us, hey, I need a place to stay for a week, can I stay with you? Then maybe it might be okay to ask them to pitch in a bit.

This to me seems like it should be common courtesy. Especially among close friends and relatives.

Example B- If you give someone something or do something for someone, should you expect something in return? When you give someone something or do something nice for someone, does that give you the right to lord it over them after that?

Unless you are doing a job for someone who should pay you or giving someone something you are selling, NO! Friends and family should not work that way. Maybe if you do nice things for someone or give them things and they are rude and do not say thanks or anything, then, in my opinion, you let that go, and you will know better in the future. You do not get to forever remind them what you did for them and lord it over them. If I buy Trish something for her birthday, does that mean I expect her to buy me something for mine? Nope. I do it because she is my friend. (Just FYI, Trish did buy me a very cool candle for my birthday. I bought her some neat handmade soap.) I once gave my friend Samantha a refrigerator. I had one, it was not even a year old, and I did not have room for it when we were moving. Her fridge was old and duck tape held part of the door on. She could not afford to pay me for it, so I just gave it to her. I never mentioned it again. She was appreciative and a few years later when she and her husband bought a house of their own, she sent me a letter about how it was great with all the expense of owning her new home, she didn’t have to worry about a new fridge and that she even bought her dishwasher to match it. I did not then ask for payback now that she was obviously more financially stable. I sent her a housewarming gift. (I think it was a matching blender.)

That is just how I feel on the subject. Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong. What do you think? Maybe we should write to Dear Abby, Emily Post, Miss Manners, or Ann Landers.

P.S. I used Trish in all my examples because she is an easy target, not because she would ever do any of those things. Also, this post is not directed toward anyone specific, just a general topic based on a variety of things I have been a party to recently. It is not a personal attack on people and if you take it that way, well you're an idiot. (That was a personal attack on idiots in case you missed it.)


  1. You can use me for examples. I don't mind.

  2. Good thing you don't. Besides, what were you going to do about it anyway? :)

  3. Well, who pissed in your post toasties? I do agree with you, when you invite people over I do not think you should ask them for a cover charge when they walk in the door. Perhaps it depends on the situation, I go out to eat with friends two or three times a week, we just ask for separate checks. My friend Helen has invited us to Pahrump, she used her comp points to get us a room at the local hotel and casino. She just offered to do that, so I will get her a gift card for the Home Depot so she can pick something for her new house. Because I know if I try to give her cash she would not take it.
    It depends on the people I guess. My friend Karen, well her husband Rex always likes to pick up the check when they go out with friends, it makes him feel important I guess. That is just they way he is, gold watch, real diamonds......I can not tell the real from the fake. He cares about his image a lot.
    On other hand you can not let people take advantage of you. If people come to your home stay for a week eat all your food, drink all your soda and then leave with so much as a thank you...I do not think I would invite them back, no matter who they are.
    I do not think it is rude to let people know up front what you expect. Like my fiend Bonnie got a good deal on a time share condo in Hawaii, it had two bedrooms and a kitchen room for like six people So she asked around if anyone wanted to go and split the costs. She got like three of her friends and her daughter and they spent a week in Hawaii for about 200.00 bucks each. When they all went out to eat they each paid for thier own. Some times they went a did different things Bonnie took the helecopter tour but that was too pricey for some and they went to the beach or shopping. They had great time.

  4. Nobody peed in my Froot Loops. It was just a lot of things. I am having a houseguest for the weekend. People often do nice things for me (such as take me to see Wicked or put new brakes on my car). I try to do nice things for other people. (At least I hope I do.)It was something on my mind. No one has been rude to me or said I was an ingrate. I didn't try to charge anyone for staying at my house. I was just thinking about the subject.

  5. Well, I hear your little house guest is pretty excited to be hanging out with you guys. I hope you guys have fun Alyssa is a good kid, and she sure doesn't eat much. I am sure she will post pictures of your adventure up on her myspace.

    Peed in your Fruit Loops.....that does not should be whizzed in your wheaties...well you can do better.Haha

  6. Fine... How about tinkled in my Total?

  7. Something along the same lines that you should add to your rant is that people shouldn't invite themselves along on trips. I had this happen recently and I thought it was very rude.


Leave Me A Comment. You Know You Wanna.