A Day In The Life

His Is Bigger Than Mine

Once upon a time in a Special Housing Unit, in a prison some where near you, there lived a guy with some serious mental issues. He was in a cell alone because no one could live with him.

There are orderlies in Special Housing Units. They are generally inmates who are not fit for return to the general population. They keep things clean. They help prepare the food for the officers to pass out.

Now the mental issues guy is in an outer cell because we just have no where else to put him. That means the orderlies have to walk in front of that cell while doing their duties.

Another officer and I are in the officer's station when one of the orderlies comes to tell us he has been sprayed with urine and feces by the mentally challenged inmate. So while the other officer sees to the orderly, I leave to go see what the problem is. There is a mess. There is urine and feces everywhere. The smell is overpowering.

The orderlies began to clean up, when again, an icky storm flew from the sides and underneath the cell door.

OMG!

The orderlies get it cleaned enough to walk over there and I am standing by while another officer inquires with the mentally challenged inmate on why he did what he did.

According to that inmate, the orderly stole his radio. There is no way. The radio was locked in the cell with him. Also, the inmate claimed that he was angry because the orderly apparently claimed to have a bigger penis.

Yep, that was a good reason.