Life

It seems to me that even though I am over here desperately trying to find a job, any job, I get the feeling people don’t actually believe it. Those of you out there, who have jobs, have amazing college educations, who are secure in their jobs probably have never had this kind of difficulty. Perhaps it seems to you like I must be some kind of moron who is not looking hard enough. I assure you I am looking as hard as possible. I go anywhere I think might have a job possibility. There is not a job search website I do not visit daily. I have a collection of over 400 e-mails I have sent or received in my job search. That does not include any of the places I applied in person, through the mail, or online where it did not send you a confirmation.

I am not sitting here waiting for a job to fall from the sky. I am not sitting here waiting for someone else to take care of it for me. Do you think I enjoy being flat broke all the time? Do you think I like having to ask for help? Do you think I like the stress? I miss the lifestyle I enjoyed before. The bills were paid, there was some money in savings, and we could get a burger or something now and again. When Catherine came along and said she needed some construction paper, some tape, and some crayons… I just zipped on down to the store and got them.

I am not the only one in this house who is trying. David is working as many hours at McDonald’s as they will give him. The last few weeks it has been about 20 hours a week. What more could you ask from a part time job? On top of that, he is with me at every single job website, going out anywhere he can, and sending out resumes in the hopes of getting a second part time job or even better a full time job. I doubt he enjoys his loss of comforts too. He could buy a pizza or whatever. Now every dime he gets goes to paying anything we can. Of course, perhaps to some people, it looks like he is the moron who can’t even get a job. If one more person says “When I was 21 I had a job and a car and on and on…” I am going to scream. Times are different now. I cannot find a job either, so how is it his fault? Moreover, why does it matter?

I am out there everyday. You are not. This is my life that sucks; Not yours. I am the one who is ultimately responsible. Moreover, I am doing everything in my power to change it. I don’t need people to take over and do it for me. I don’t want people to pity. I would like support, encouragement, and maybe a little help if you can. (Obviously, the last one not from strangers of course) Most people have been supportive and encouraging.

Here are some things I am sick of hearing…

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Something is bound to come along.”
“Don’t worry about it”

If everything happens for a reason, what did I do to deserve this?

If something was bound to come along, what is taking it so long to get here?

What are you talking about don’t worry… That is all there is to do is worry.


I am making an effort to remain upbeat. I am trying to keep everything together on my own. It is hard. It is stressful. Nevertheless, in the end, I am the only one who can fix it. Moreover, I am doing everything I can to do just that. I can guarantee that if I got a job, the screams of joy would be heard all over the state of California.

Now unless I get a job or something else happens, I will stick with my random pictures and keep this stuff to a minimum. I hope you enjoyed my frozen puppies today. Look for a new one tomorrow.