Seven Swans A-Swimming

I was working one evening in the best Special Housing Unit in the universe. I was working outside as the recreation officer. When I first got there, I was trying to get an inmate to come inside and he decided to jam the gate. He used a Metamucil bottle full of rocks. Where he got rocks, I have no idea. How he got the bottle of rocks out to the rec cage... Well, it was hot. Inmates often take a cup out to the rec cage to drink. We provide water out there, they bring the cups. Cups and handballs are the only things they are supposed to bring out there with them. Sometimes, if they don't have a cup available they use peanut butter jars or coffee containers. Those are clear. Metamucil bottles are not clear.

Eventually we got him to remove the bottle and come out. We confiscated the bottle of rocks and he was escorted back to his cell.

Anyway, back to me. I was watching over the recreation area and letting inmates in and out. They brought out two Native American inmates. One was carrying a coffee container full of water. The other was carrying a Metamucil bottle. Learning from earlier, I asked to see what was in the bottle. He tells me it's water. I ask him to please open the container and let me see.

He says no.

I again ask him to open the bottle.

He says it's just water. And tells me to leave him alone.

I refuse to allow him into the recreation area until he shows me what is inside the bottle.

(You can see where this I going, right?)

So he opens his bottle and pours it right on my front.

Yep.

So I am soaked. I go into the lieutenants office and he asks me what happened. I tell him and we both go back to the recreation area where that inmate is waiting.

The lieutenant asks him why he did that. The inmate decides to demonstrate what he did the first time. He still had a little water left in the bottle. So he poured that on me too.

He was escorted back to his cell and I wrote him up so assault without injury.

And then I sat outside and dried off.