I am about to discuss a topic that has never been brought up on this page before and I hope it will not be again. However, I am mad, this is my page and I feel it to be necessary. There will be no comments on this post and any comments on other posts referring to it will be deleted. If you feel like commenting, send me an email.
Once upon a time, not too very long ago, I was married. Unfortunately, for all involved, that did not end well. This is not a place to post such details and frankly, they are few peoples business but my own. However, these things happen and life goes on. I moved on with my life, got a good job, went back to school and I spend lots of fun times with my kids. (Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that.)
At the end of that fiasco, I assumed that once parted, Mr. Ex-Husband would go to his family and cry about how I had been so mean. Then they, as his loyal family, would agree with him and would never speak to me again, or even worse start calling me names or something. Now, I do not know that he did or didn't do that. Nevertheless, I was wrong about his family. We aren’t friends, we don’t hang out. I certainly am not invited to their family events. But no one has called me anything horrible. I don’t hear ever that Mr. Ex-Husband ever said anything bad about me. (Though I am not stupid, I doubt many ex-husbands have a lot of wonderful things to say about ex-wives. If that were the case… they wouldn’t be ex would they?)
I do not say bad things about him either. Anyone who reads this knows this is the first time he has been mentioned. As a matter of fact, I make it a point to say very little. If he wants people to know about his life, that is his business.
Anyway, what brought all this up? Well, just as I thought his family would support him, I assumed mine would support me. I realize my family isn’t as close as his family (I don’t mean in miles), but I assumed I could count on them for some support if I needed it. I was wrong there too, just as I was wrong about his family.
I do not have a huge extended family. I have never been close to any of them really. When things changed in my life, I was advised to pack it up and head home to the town I grew up in. Instead, I chose to stay here. My kids were established here. So much had happened I did not want to uproot them and move them somewhere new. There were more job opportunities here. I love the weather here compared to there. Overall, I believe I made the right choice. I like my job, my apartment, my school, and my life here. My kids are happy.
In all that time since I chose not to take the advice given, I think I have spoken with my family perhaps three times total. I admit I am not calling them. I do not visit them. I do not like confrontation. I do not think I should have to keep arguing my points forever. Therefore, I do not talk to them and they do not talk to me. It is sad I know, but at least no one was fighting.
Unfortunately, today I found out something about at least one member of my family. Not only did they not support my decisions, they went behind my back and chose to completely ignore my feelings and act completely inappropriate in this delicate situation. Then they lied about it. I feel betrayed. It is one thing for people to disagree, but when someone who is supposed to be your family goes out and deliberately does something to hurt you, or to mock you, or just to make drama, whatever the case may be, that it just unbelievable.
My friend Trish said once, maybe on her blog or on the phone, that family is not about blood, but about who is there for you when you are at your lowest. I know who I can count on when things get tough. The rest of the world can do whatever. I am fine.
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“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing." Mignon McLaughlin
There are two kinds of light--the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. -James Thurber
