Frozen

I did not sleep very well last night. It had nothing to do with the cold. I started thinking…

What if I messed up? What if I don’t have a job after all? What if the prison decided that no, I am not worthy? I know they gave me, in writing, a job offer that is contingent on my passing a background check and drug test. I know I am not a criminal and have never done a drug in my whole life. However, what if there is some thing on there I did not know about? What if the lab makes a mistake and says I do some drugs? Then no prison job for me. What if that happens and the woman from the old folk’s home finds someone else? Then I am so screwed. I have not job searched all week. What if I missed some other great opportunity? I got an interview at an old folk’s home in Barstow as an administrative assistant and I turned it down. I got an interview at a gas station and I gave it to David. I was supposed to take a test to work in the county child support office on Tuesday and I skipped it. What have I done? Both places said they would let me know tomorrow. The prison should have gotten my drug test results and background check done and will let me know tomorrow. The woman from the old folk’s home said she would call me tomorrow and let me know the details. I am probably going to go nuts until I know for sure. I know, I have severe mental issues.

Here are a couple of pictures I took of our yard this morning.

This is the view from my front door. I am not going out there.

This is the view from the back door.

It is sunny today but the world is white. My mom said her gate was frozen shut. Oh darn, I guess she cannot go to work today. Unfortunately, she has Direct TV and it is out today. I have cable, so we have TV. Grandpa might go crazy with no sports to watch. School was canceled today. The girls get an extra day of vacation. I am going to clean and bake today. I need to keep busy or I might have a nervous breakdown. There are no bell ringers today. I just need to keep busy. I have to think… I have a job. Not the what ifs. I mean really, what are the chances? Slim, I know. Still, there is that chance…

Mental. Yep.