Saturday, March 14, 2009

Time Out

Today is my first day off here in Georgia. I rented a car yesterday. Last night I went to dinner with a bunch of people from my class. Today my plan was to sleep in, run a few errands and go check out the sights here in the Golden Isles of Georgia. Car rentals here are not cheap, so I wanted to make sure and get plenty of use out of it. But did I do that today? Of course not.

Oh sure, it started out fine. I slept in late. I got up and got dressed and went to a late breakfast with some people. Then I came back to my hotel to get my clothes together so I could go get them washed and run the errands. But I didn’t make if far. Why? Because people can’t get along. People are close minded and refuse to compromise. People are basically just being jerks.

It is hard for me being here. I never been this far away from my kids for so long. I left my life behind. I came out here to learn some hard stuff in order to keep my job. I like my job. I don’t want to lose my job. I looked for a job a long time. This job, as scary as it is at times, gives me the ability to pay my bills, pay off my car, and buy things I need or want. Because of this job, within a year or so, I can buy my own home and a new car. So it is also hard for me being here because of the pressure to do well to keep my job. I actually fell apart a bit in a class because I was just so stressed. Luckily, that happens a lot and I got it together and went on.

But the hardest thing for me is my loss of control. I am a very controlling person. I get it from my mother. I know it and I accept it. However I am not close-minded and I have the ability to compromise. It is hard for me to be here because I am not there making sure things get done and people are fine. I left that to David. David knows how I do things. He has never been anything but kind. I don’t care that he is young. I don’t care that he isn’t filled of life experience. He is filled with kindness and the willingness to try and do anything he can. I appreciate that. But to my mother he is just some young jackass who can’t even breathe right. Well, tough. I am done playing referee. I understand how David d feels. I never could do anything right to my mom either. I get stressed over it. I do things I might not have wanted to because of it. I shouldn’t have to and he shouldn’t have to either.

Today Catherine had a softball game. The paper said it started at noon. David, who had a day off today, got up and took Catherine out. They did some recycling and went to the bank. He returned to the house at 11:30 to pick up Catherine’s softball stuff and get her to the game. The ball field is only about 5 minutes from the house. When they got to the house Carolynn informed them that Catherine was supposed to be there at 11:30. She said my mom called the house and told her. Did my mom tell David? Nope. Did anyone mention to David that Catherine had to be there by 11:30? Nope. Does Carolynn have a history of not relaying information about her sister’s softball? YES! So when David was now running late and feeling terrible and trying to get her there as soon as possible, what does my mom do? She calls me. In Georgia. Yells at me that David shouldn’t b allowed to do anything. He is just too stupid. And because I allowed him to handle this, Catherine won’t be allowed to play in her game today. And also, David talks on his cell phone while driving. So she was just going to go home because she just can’t handle this. I called David. He said Catherine was a tiny bit late because he didn’t know where the field was. He said she was in right field right now. I was in tears. I was so worried that Catherine would miss her game. I was so upset that I can’t even trust people to keep it together for me to do this training. David seems to be doing everything I asked. I don’t give a rat’s ass if the house isn’t perfectly clean. I could care less. The kids are going to school, eating and clean. I talk to them several times a day. But because my mom and dad hate David for no reason, they couldn’t be bothered to pass on simple information about Catherine’s game. Do you know what my mom said when I pointed that out? She said David should have known any organized sport would do that. I didn’t know. I would have gotten her there about 10 minutes early to warm up before the game. I would have known where the field was though.

I moved there to be near family. I moved there to live a better life. My mom was very helpful in getting there. She helped me look for jobs or watched the kids of If needed. But I am not going to live my life her way. My house will never be clean enough. My kids will never be good enough. David will never be a human being. Until I start doing everything her way, it won’t be the right way. If I wanted to live like that I would have stayed married. But from this day forward, it is my way or the highway. It is my life.

As for David, he is free to stay as long as he helps me at the house, pays his share, has a job and goes to school. He has no obligation to try and impress them. He will continue to be civil to them. He should however stop talking on the phone while driving. He doesn’t need a ticket or to get in an accident. I will have to beat him.

Now I am sure that somewhere in Adelanto people are laughing, but you people are worse. My mom is a jerk out of love. You are just jerks. You can’t be bothered to call you father and say hey, even when he calls you. You don’t visit him or anything. You are unable to see passed your own issues and see Grandpa. You only care about yourself. Shame on you. You are missing out.

Finally, before I conclude this rant, I just want to say Catherine’s team won her game. Catherine got a hit and drove in a run. She also walked and scored a run herself. Afterward, she went to the Burger King to celebrate. She has another game on Friday and again next Saturday. Next time David will be sure and get her there an hour before and to the correct field.

Now I don’t want to hear anymore about it. I don’t need the stress. Tomorrow I am going to check out Georgia. I don’t want to waste any more car rental money.

6 comments:

  1. Who is this David Dude your boy friend , your kid or your live in???

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  2. Good for you. There comes a time in every adult's life when he/she has to decide to be in charge and quite trying to please everyone. It is never pretty or easy. But it is worth it.

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  3. Dude... Anonymous... You aren't that anonymous. You know the answer. Not that it is your business. I don't get in your business. I don't even know what your business is.

    Eve- Thanks for your support. I figure I have to risk my life to pay my bills, I should get to be in charge.

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  4. It sounds like this has been building for some time. It is very very hard to be away from kid's and all they have to do. I'm sure you feel better after writing down everything and getting it out. Hang in there things will get better.

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  5. David's Dad3/24/2009 9:51 AM

    David is a saint. You are blessed to be in his company. Sounds like you know that, but not everyone else does. David is a far better person than I ever was or will be.
    Cherish the time you have with him, you'll not find another as good.

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  6. David's Dad- Well, I wouldn't go as far as saying he is a saint, but he is a great guy. I do know that and appreciate everything he does

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